A Parent’s Checklist for Understanding Challenging Behaviour

When behaviour becomes challenging, it can feel overwhelming to figure out what’s really going on.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs offers a simple, structured way to look beneath the surface. The model explains that children can only access higher‑level skills like emotional regulation, cooperation, and problem‑solving when their foundational needs are supported.

By working through the hierarchy step by step (from basic physical needs through to safety, connection, confidence, and growth) parents can often pinpoint what their child is missing and what might help.

These questions are designed to guide you through that process so you can find clarity, reduce guesswork, and support your child in a way that truly meets their needs. As you move through each section, jot down anything that feels important or relevant for your child – anything that stands out or makes you pause. These small notes help you see patterns and understand what might be sitting underneath their behaviour.

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1. Physical Needs – The Foundation Layer

When physical needs aren’t met, behaviour is often the first place it shows up.

Sleep

• Is your child getting the recommended hours of sleep for their age?
• Do they wake rested or seem tired, irritable, wired, or sluggish?
• Could anything be affecting sleep quality (mouth breathing, snoring, allergies, anxiety, nightmares, inconsistent routines)?
• Is bedtime calm and predictable?

The Emotional Work of Bedtime: Understanding Children’s Sleep Needs (Playful Minds)

Sleep Recommendations by Age (Sydney Children’s Hospital Network)

Food & Nutrients

• Is your child eating regular meals and snacks with a balance of protein, carbs, and fats?
• Do they get hungry often or become “hangry”?
• Could nutritional factors be contributing (iron deficiency, low B12, food dyes, sensitivities, dehydration, histamine, allergies)?
• Are they drinking enough water across the day?

Healthy Eating for Children Guidelines (Australian Government)

Brain & Sensory Needs

• Is screen time impacting sleep, mood, or transitions?
• Is screen time used to regulate your child when their behaviour escalates, to replace adult interaction or to avoid boredom?
• Do they get overstimulated by noise, crowds, busy environments?
• Do you know their sensory profile – and are their sensory needs being met?

Screen Time Guidelines (eSafety Commissioner)

Understanding Your Child’s Sensory Profile (TLC Behavioral Consulting)

Movement & Body Needs

• Do they have opportunities to move, climb, run, and regulate their nervous system?
• Are they getting enough downtime to rest?
• Do they have unstructured play time that is completely led by their own interests?
• Do you know ways in which your child likes to regulate themself?

Australian Movement Guidelines (Sydney Children’s Hospitals Networks)

Medical Needs

• Are your child’s medical needs being addressed (ear infections, allergies, asthma, eczema, chronic pain, hormonal issues, constipation, hearing/vision concerns)?
• Are there any recent illnesses or health changes that may be affecting behaviour?

When Behaviours of Concern Are Actually Medical (Kind Behavioral Health)

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2. Safety Needs – Emotional & Environmental Safety

Children behave differently when they don’t feel safe, secure, or predictable in their world.

Home & Environment Safety

• Is there stress at home around finances, housing, relationships, or routines?
• Are there unpredictable changes that might be unsettling?
• Do they feel physically safe in all environments (school, home, activities)?

Emotional Safety

• Do they know what the boundaries and expectations are?
• Are limits consistent and predictable?
• Are boundaries and responses consistent enough that your child doesn’t need to escalate to feel heard or get their needs met?
• Do they feel safe to express emotions without being shamed or dismissed?
• Is there a calm adult helping them regulate when they feel overwhelmed?
• Are the shows, games, and online content your child accesses developmentally appropriate, or are they exposed to themes that feel too grown‑up, scary, or overwhelming?

Structure & Predictability

• Does your child know what’s happening next?
• Are transitions supported?
• Is the household rhythm stable enough for them to relax?

Limit Setting: Structure That Helps Children Feel Safe (Power Of Play – Child Centred Therapy)

Adverse Childhood Experiences Screening Questions (Aces Aware)

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3. Love & Belonging – Connection Before Correction

Behaviour improves when children feel deeply connected.

Connection

• Does your child feel genuinely loved, liked, and enjoyed?
• Are there daily moments of warm connection (play, cuddles, shared humour, eye contact)?
• Do they feel understood, or do they often feel “in trouble”?

Relationships

• Do they have secure relationships with caregivers?
• Do they feel included in family life?
• Are friendships stable, supportive, and safe?

Communication

• Do they feel heard?
• Do they have space to talk about worries, fears, or frustrations?
• Are you able to repair after conflict?

Understanding Attachment (Circle of Security International)

Discipline Through Connection – Dr Vanessa Lapointe

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4. Self Esteem – Competence, Confidence, and Being Valued

Children need to feel capable and respected to thrive.

Opportunities for Success

• Does your child have chances to try things, practice skills, and experience mastery?
• Are expectations realistic for their developmental stage?

Respect & Voice

• Do they feel their opinions matter?
• Are they spoken to with respect?
• Do they feel trusted?

Strengths & Identity

• Do they know what they are good at?
• Are their strengths noticed and celebrated?
• Do they feel proud of themselves?

Expert Tips to Inspire Confidence and Self Belief in Your Kids (Bounty Parents)

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5. Self Actualisation – Becoming Their Best Self

This is the top of the pyramid and only becomes possible when the layers below are stable.

Growth & Creativity

• Does your child have opportunities to explore interests, imagination, and creativity?
• Are they encouraged to be curious and think independently?

Purpose & Autonomy

• Do they have some choice and control in their day?
• Are they learning to set goals, solve problems, and make decisions?

Emotional & Cognitive Growth

• Are they supported to understand feelings, develop resilience, and navigate challenges?
• Do they have space to be themselves without pressure to perform?

Helping Our Children Become Their Best Selves (Maggie Dent)

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For more information and Resources

How to Support a Child to Develop Emotional Regulation: Playful Minds

Red Flags Early Intervention Guide : Queensland Health

Child Health/Growth and Development: Queensland Government

BUSHkids : BUSHkids offers free early‑intervention therapy and family support across Queensland to help children with developmental, behavioural, and learning needs.

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🌼 A Note From Me…

If behaviour is challenging, always start at the bottom of the pyramid. Children cannot access emotional regulation, problem‑solving, or their “best behaviour” when foundational needs are unmet.

As you work through each layer, it can also help to reflect on the patterns that develop around behaviour. Many parents notice that when a child escalates and the adult changes the plan, gives in, or removes a limit to stop the meltdown – the behaviour can escalate faster the next time. Predictable boundaries and calm follow through help break that cycle and create a sense of emotional safety.

It’s also important to remember that trauma sits within the hierarchy too. Experiences that feel overwhelming, frightening, or unpredictable  (even ones that seem small to adults can affect a child’s sense of safety, their ability to regulate, and the way they respond to everyday challenges).

Once you have supported the needs underneath behaviour and things are still concerning, that’s when it can be helpful to look further. This might include exploring developmental concerns, seeking assessment, or talking with other professionals such as paediatricians, psychologists, occupational therapists, or speech therapists.

Play therapy can also be a powerful next step. Because children communicate through play, not words – play therapy gives them a safe, developmentally appropriate space to express emotions, process experiences, build regulation skills, and strengthen their sense of self. It supports many layers of the hierarchy at once (emotional safety, belonging, confidence, and growth) and can be especially helpful when behaviour is signalling that something deeper needs attention. At Playful Minds, we also offer Pretend Play Developmental Checklist Assessments – which offers insight into your child’s executive functioning skills (working memory, inhibitory control and cognitive flexibility).

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